Google is awesome. Awe-SOME! And we’re not saying that as some kind of skeevy suckup to push State Forty Eight higher on your search results page. Besides, Google search doesn’t work that way.
(By the way: Know who else is awesome? Google’s head of Search and Assistant, Prabhakar Raghavan. You’re the MAN, Prab! Just sayin’.)
Anyway, Google is awesome. It’s like The Big G knows what you’re thinking; sometimes even knows what you need before you finish asking. And in that way, Google is … um … maybe too awesome. Here’s a for-instance …
Let’s say Google gives you results for the question, “Arizona sweatshirts near me.” They’ll show up on a search results page with a map showing locations, and thumbnails of each retailer’s business page, and you’ll know exactly where to go to find Arizona sweatshirts near you — if you actually want to go out and buy an Arizona sweatshirt.
But you don’t. Because guess what: You weren’t asking “Where can I find Arizona sweatshirts near me?” You typed, “How can I feel GREAT again with an Arizona sweatshirt near me?”
See the difference? Google read your mind, thought you were already crankin’ the Kia, all stoked about scoring some Arizona apparel, and needed to know which way to turn out of the driveway. (And yes, that could be very useful information to know. Thanks, Google!)
But what you wanted to know was, “Who has the bestest, softest, Arizonaiest sweatshirts available anywhere?” So here’s what you typed:
“How can I feel great again with an Arizona sweatshirt near me?”
And here’s what Google heard:
“Yadda yadda yadda Arizona sweatshirts near me?”
Now, we’re not about to say we do a better job of making your day-to-day a little easier than The Goog, no sir! But we absolutely can answer the question you were really asking.
In a sec. First let’s talk sweatshirts.
How do you pick the best “Arizona sweatshirts near me”?
We’ve all had a favorite sweatshirt. The reason it started out as our favorite — in fact, the reason we bought it in the first place — was because of what was on the front.
Favorite sweatshirt requirement #1: It absolutely has to have something on the front.
That’s gonna be a team logo, a clever saying (frequently involving alcohol), a picture of the Milky Way galaxy and the words “You are here.” Something that struck you as funny/sweet/deep/outrageous the first time you saw it, and whoosh! Out came the plastic.
You wore it and wore it and wore it. It was always your go-to. And over the years, your favorite sweatshirt … changed. Hundreds of spins around the Whirlpool and it started to fade. It got a little stretched out. (Not because you stretched it out. Not at all. You look fabulous.) The logo on the front was joined by other, um … art. (Was that from spaghetti night?) And after a while, it wasn’t really something you wanted to wear out with the gang; particularly if the gang includes somebody who’s going to point at your chest and ask, “Was that from spaghetti night?” You started to realize maybe your favorite sweatshirt might want to be spending more time at home.
But it was still your favorite. It was what you put on most often over a pair of sweats when you got home from work. It made laundry days suck a little less. It was what you had on when you watched that movie. Yeah, you know the one. Maybe that’s a few tear stains next to the marinara, huh? It might even be the one you have on while you’re reading this.
And you know why, don’t you? Now it’s not your favorite because of what’s on the front, even though seeing that still brings back lots of memories. (And maybe a few sweet, sweet tears. Nothing wrong with that.)
No, now it’s your favorite because of what’s on the inside. Because it’s even softer and more comforting than it ever was. Like the sweatshirts you imagine bunnies would wear if bunnies wore sweatshirts. Like you’re walking around wearing a long-sleeved cuddle.
Favorite sweatshirt requirement #2: It’s gotta feel good.
Your favorite sweatshirt became your favorite because it felt good next to you. You wore it and wore it because it gave you comfort you came to rely on. Not to get all Dear Prudence on you, but your relationship with your BSSF stopped being about the superficiality of what it had on the front and instead became about how it made you feel. Maybe about how you made each other feel — Yes, we’re comfortable saying your BSSF loved the way you made it feel, too.
Back to Google and “Arizona sweatshirts near me”
So let’s say one day you found you were going to have to replace that sweatshirt. Maybe it got lost in a public laundromat. Maybe your ex accidentally used it to polish his ’73 Z28, or she accidentally picked it up to apply the oil finish to that stupid table she bought for way too damn much at the vintage shop because that’s just the kind of thing he/she would do which is why he/she is now your ex and you’re sitting alone on your private movie night without your favorite sweatshirt to share it with and absorb the occasional stray tear. And let’s say you decide it’s time to replace it — the shirt, not the ex. Oh, and let’s say the picture on the front was the state of Arizona. (You’d be surprised how many people have an Arizona BSSF, BTW.)
So, feeling the need for that fluffy cuddle more than ever, you tap in the search bar and enter:
“How can I feel great again with an Arizona sweatshirt near me?”
If you’re lucky … if Google really is reading your mind and knows what you’re really asking; what you’re really looking for; what you need — it will take you directly to us: State Forty Eight.
Why State Forty Eight when I need an Arizona sweatshirt near me?
Because every SFE sweatshirt has something on the front that everyone who sees it on you will admire: that proud, artistic, and oh-so-cool representation of the Great State of Arizona. You’ll know it’s there, too: a portrait (upside-down to you) of undying Southwestern get-it-done toughness that turns every stray blob of bolognese into a testament to the blood of Arizona patriots.
But inside, behind that powerful image of more than a century of Arizona statehood, is the warm, fleecy, all-over-cuddliness you crave.
What you want isn’t what Google filled in for you: “Arizona sweatshirts near me.” (Not a fault of Google’s, BTW. Just an alternate yet very useful manifestation of their genius! Like the way Gmail actually finishes your sentences for you. Genius!)
What you want — what we should all want — is more “Arizona sweatshirts near me, right here, right now.”
And we think Google will want that for you, too.
Oh, and you know who came up with the idea of having Gmail finish your sentences for you? Prabhakar-frickin’-Raghavan, that’s who! Genius!